Alright so I was wrong about the zombie cat reference. It appears that my cat is in fact not the undead risen to plague the world with morbid pleas for food. Oh no its cadaverous carcass is but a shell for a demon of vilest tendencies.
Could not my cat be possessed by a greater demon of destruction or blasphemy? Hey even a lesser one would do. I would not have minded if she were taken over by some horrid twisted defiler of virgins and small Chihuahuas. I would have jumped for glee if she was host to a twisted mind flayer of DOOOOOOOM!
No I would have to get the bloody shit demon.
Well at least the shit was not bloody. I know because it was everywhere. Wait! wait.. Let us paint the scene (or did the cat do that already?)
I have just come home from my Thursday game tired exhausted and really needing a sit down. After fumbling with the keys in the dark for half an hour I manage to enter the house without forcibly removing the door from this reality. “Hmmm” says I, “is that not the faint wafting fumes of feces! Nah that’s just the litter box, yuk!”
Sooo I grab a beer and a seat on the couch. “Ahhh some rest at last… oh hi there Nora cat where you been? ..ohhh!” See that’s me fainting from the lack of oxygen to the brain. Yes the blue yellow green haze following my cat and near throttled me to death.
See what happens is this! Demon:
“I will utterly ruin this poor sods day! Why? Because he did not feed us the food that would kill this mortal host and he subjected us to the VET today!”
So demon caused the cat to make the unholy shit. Added two doses of fetid urine and mixed until the merest glance at the gross consistency caused a passing mortals stomach lining to leap for it purchase and attempt to strangle said mortal. Gently the cat was rolled in the mixture until evenly coated. The Cat was then left on white cushion to cure for a few minutes. *demonic laugh* “Serve warm!”
Ok so there I am passed out on the couch the cat has just completed its little jig of evil all over the couch and me. At this point the stench has abated to an intolerable hell, enough oxygen has reach my brain to give the gag reflex a kick start. Now I am awake, needing a bath, and have a veritable FUCKTON of washing to do. Great I love my life!
And where is Baheelza-Cat? Oh this one has just finished making the dance of evil all over the bed and is now headed for my study!
Well lets say the kitty got clean quickly, and leave that at that. The washing did not.
Maid comes on a Friday. Thank the gods its Friday!
Party hard girls and boys!
O_K
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