Oh fuck!

Ok so here I am cuzin' some blogs and I discover that old plosy over there is going to die in his sleep. Well at least that's what they are saying @ How Will You Die?? . Well So I take the test and low and behold my head shrinker is fucking wrong. Here be my test score:

You scored as Suicide.
Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

Suicide 93%
Gunshot 87%
Stabbed 80%
Posion 73%
Bomb 60%
Disease 53%
Eaten 47%
Cut Throat 40%
Disappear 40%
Drowning 33%
Suffocated 20%
Accident 13%
Natural Causes 7%

Ok so now I am a little peeved! 2 hundred bucks a session once to twice a week for like months only to be told:

You are ok and sane and you aint gonna kill yourself! You are a happy sunbeam, of radiant happiness and warmth.

Well it looks my shrinker spent all that time studying to help loonies for no good reason!
I am gonna shoot myself inna head with a gun! But I don't have a gun. I got a marker! That's it I am going to shoot myself inna head with a paint ball gun until the concussion gets me. Perhaps I should save myself the pain and suffering and kill myself with alcohol. If you try this a home children, I might suggest pouring it on yourself and lighting it, because drinking the stuff takes too bloody long.

Ok boys and girls perhaps I will see you again perhaps I won't.
O_K

PS. sigh!

Unlucky Crusty Till Wenches

Since I found myself single and out of the safety of no 62. I have discovered that fast food is more than just a phenomenon it’s a way of life. I would like to think that as a rather experienced fast food eater, I would have seen all there is to see when it come to junk food joints. Well I think I have, it is just the intensity the experience on Sunday that really did not sit well with me. Well that could just be the indigestion actually.

KFC in Rosemead Avenue, Kenilworth. Do go there if you value your intestines and sanity about as much as a kick in the balls. The ladies at the till were fashionably kitted out like they had spent the morning deep frying their clothes after coating them in chicken batter. I shit you the fuck not! but the entire staff were so filthy that some of their clothes were as stiff as fucking boards. So tell me Colonel: Aprons have you heard of these wonderful devices or is it that cleanliness only destroys the source of the secret herbs and spices? I also did notice the compulsory hairnet sitting high upon the greasy ‘do’ of a few of the cooking staff. Very jaunty angles were achieved without covering the hair and depriving the happy customer of those secret herbs.

Man to think that all along I have been deluded to the dangers of fast food. I was expecting to die from the heart attack brought on by the obesity I managed to maintain eating this filth. It appears that some establishments have taken the initiative to prevent me for killing myself with fat and salt and are trying to murder me off with dysentery or something first.

Chicken did taste good though. Chips were a bit off but that’s because I let them get cold.

Cartoon is on the way or at least the first lady character. Soooooon….. sooon my pets! There will be boobies soon!

Ok girls and boys have the fun
O_K

oh yes some one at a certain software company has seen fit to invite me along to a company paintball game. Heh! this is going to be fun.... unless one is like rambo or something. (hundgets my bru!)

Radio Check

"Rest of the World this is Oscar Kilo, Radio Check"
Anyone out there? Wow it has been a long time. and a lot has happened in the last few months. Many things that should have happened did not. I aint gonna go into it here. (this aint that type of blog)

Good news is that I have learnt to draw boobies. So i am hoping to get aounther toon out soon.

Anyway if you still out there leave me comment.

Ok boys and girls see you peeps soon.

Update huh!

Look guys I am under huge amounts of stress as my stupid little life comes apart at the seams. So maintaining a blog is just one of thouse things that will take a backseat. Untill I can get my head right this space will be updated very erraticaly. I do hope to return to it soon.
ok bye for now see you guys when I do.
Al.

welcome to Friday mother fucker

I love Friday don’t you? It’s the one fucking day that just has it fucking all.
It all starts off well with us waking up a quarter hour after we were supposed to be at work cause just like last Friday morning I switched the alarm off thinking it was Saturday morning.
Man I just love that feeling as the sensation of confusion is replaced with dawning realisation and then again with panicky. Hmm jump starts my day like good cup of coffee.

Ok great we are at work and the senior members of your immediate co-workers are giving you the hairy eyeball. God damn it its not like we are going to do any serious work today. And then it hits you no you will not be doing any serious work for MOST of the day. Some stupid effing emergency will pop its head up @ say 4:00pm and try and fuck your week up right at the end of it.

So its lunch time and thank god the canteen makes the nice food on Fridays. The thing is that everyone knows this including the insipid fucks in peanut gallery of anorexic health plans. Ye! I am talking about those morons that sneer @ all the lard asses buying their lunch. I am tired of having some fucking Adonis sniggering behind his hand at what I eat while he flexes those stupid gym muscles at every thing with a space between its legs. I better man for ignoring him, I am a bigger man for I can break this shithead in half. I am an angry man cause I cant get to the fucking counter because shithead his trophy wife and all his fucking leaky spawn have decided to cast away their stupid ‘packed lunch of body beautifulness’ and get the fuck in my way. Fuck just what I need a fucking hypocrite, a fucking hypocrite that gets the last of the calamari and chips, no less.

Ok so lunch is over and I haven’t gone postal on the canteen that’s good. Now let’s see still a shit pile of things that I am deferring till Monday. No emergency yet! Great!
How the fuck to look busy without actually fucking with this wonderful Friday feeling I have.

Ok 4pm and as expected a pesky client will contact us with something that is like an ultra emergency and must be completed before we can go home…. SHIT!!! But wait looky here the boss man is having as good a Friday as me. So email is sent and the client is told where to store their problem for the weekend. Ah yes this Friday is improving loads.

So now what? The work day is done and I now need to go party. Ah yes I will plan the greatest night out on the town since the sacking of Rome, booze, girls, fighting and a general disregard for all things healthy. Yes I think I will plot this terror of the innocents after this cig while I rest my eyes for 10 minutes.

Ok… so we know what happens then right. I wake up on Saturday morning about 3am wondering where the black hole that ate my Friday evening came from. I know it was here because it left a neat little hole in the carpet next to this cigarette butt.

I have to remember that, although cigarettes are dangerous, lighting one is like pulling the pin on a grenade. A smelly one at that.

Party hard girls and boys, have fun and don’t fall down too much.
O_K

Underslung Pinapple launchers???

How about making your marker fully automatic.
or just make it look like one.

Now ask yourself:
Are underslung pinapple launcers just a dream?
Aparently NOT!

Holy crap these peeps are bloody crazy! :) Just like me.
With all this loot to buy I think I will have a birthday twice a year.

Ok well its a short one
Sleep tight (if you dare)
O_K

They Gots me!

Ok so it has become clear that I am suffering from a nasty dose of “almost 30”.
Unlike “almost 50”, I don’t get to buy a stupid expensive car.

I do get to buy cheaper toys though… like a Paint ball marker! ummm that’s a paint ball gun for the uninitiated (something about mother grundies and promoting war like tendencies in the youth today).

Yup! That’s right folks I am now part of that l33t cr3w what like to paint their friends in Technicolor. Yup! I gots initiated too. Seems like I being a tubby lard ass on the paint ball field is not such a good idea. I am still all in Technicolor after the bath, but now with nice green and blue shades and not the happy day glow pink and yellow.

I mean it was fun. I got there with new equipment in hand ready to distribute death and destruction unto the infidel. See that’s where it all started to fall apart.
See I soon I realized that the girls shoot better that me. (chicks 1, ego 0.) And that I pretty much have to stay in a crouch the whole day (enemy snipers 10, Gluteus Maximus 0).
Then I only hit my first opponent by the 7^th or so game (Red team 200 , my aim1), and then to top it all off I enjoyed it way too much (my addictions 5 , my wallet 0).

Ok so why can’t I call it a gun! (This is my marker! This is my Gun! This is for Paint ball! This is for getting myself it way to much trouble!) Well as far as I can understand it is that parents don’t want to pay a huge amount of dosh to train their kiddies to fight wars, when the army will do it for free. Hmmm yes I can see that paint ball is a great way to train little soldiers in the way of war… Lets see:

Lesson one. Effective range of the weapon is with in 15 meters.
Lesson two: Bullets fly at less than 300ft per second.
Lesson three: Who needs a medic when you have a wet wipe?
Lesson four: Arnica is a great treatment for battle wounds.
Lesson five: Yelling FREEZE! Is a valid form of hand to hand combat.

Ah well I suppose all those hours with violent computer games have been a complete waste.

Oh well! I am off to find some soothing ointments.
Sleep tight ladies and gents.

O_K