Monday, October 31, 2005

Update huh!

Look guys I am under huge amounts of stress as my stupid little life comes apart at the seams. So maintaining a blog is just one of thouse things that will take a backseat. Untill I can get my head right this space will be updated very erraticaly. I do hope to return to it soon.
ok bye for now see you guys when I do.

Friday, October 14, 2005

welcome to Friday mother fucker

I love Friday don’t you? It’s the one fucking day that just has it fucking all.
It all starts off well with us waking up a quarter hour after we were supposed to be at work cause just like last Friday morning I switched the alarm off thinking it was Saturday morning.
Man I just love that feeling as the sensation of confusion is replaced with dawning realisation and then again with panicky. Hmm jump starts my day like good cup of coffee.

Ok great we are at work and the senior members of your immediate co-workers are giving you the hairy eyeball. God damn it its not like we are going to do any serious work today. And then it hits you no you will not be doing any serious work for MOST of the day. Some stupid effing emergency will pop its head up @ say 4:00pm and try and fuck your week up right at the end of it.

So its lunch time and thank god the canteen makes the nice food on Fridays. The thing is that everyone knows this including the insipid fucks in peanut gallery of anorexic health plans. Ye! I am talking about those morons that sneer @ all the lard asses buying their lunch. I am tired of having some fucking Adonis sniggering behind his hand at what I eat while he flexes those stupid gym muscles at every thing with a space between its legs. I better man for ignoring him, I am a bigger man for I can break this shithead in half. I am an angry man cause I cant get to the fucking counter because shithead his trophy wife and all his fucking leaky spawn have decided to cast away their stupid ‘packed lunch of body beautifulness’ and get the fuck in my way. Fuck just what I need a fucking hypocrite, a fucking hypocrite that gets the last of the calamari and chips, no less.

Ok so lunch is over and I haven’t gone postal on the canteen that’s good. Now let’s see still a shit pile of things that I am deferring till Monday. No emergency yet! Great!
How the fuck to look busy without actually fucking with this wonderful Friday feeling I have.

Ok 4pm and as expected a pesky client will contact us with something that is like an ultra emergency and must be completed before we can go home…. SHIT!!! But wait looky here the boss man is having as good a Friday as me. So email is sent and the client is told where to store their problem for the weekend. Ah yes this Friday is improving loads.

So now what? The work day is done and I now need to go party. Ah yes I will plan the greatest night out on the town since the sacking of Rome, booze, girls, fighting and a general disregard for all things healthy. Yes I think I will plot this terror of the innocents after this cig while I rest my eyes for 10 minutes.

Ok… so we know what happens then right. I wake up on Saturday morning about 3am wondering where the black hole that ate my Friday evening came from. I know it was here because it left a neat little hole in the carpet next to this cigarette butt.

I have to remember that, although cigarettes are dangerous, lighting one is like pulling the pin on a grenade. A smelly one at that.

Party hard girls and boys, have fun and don’t fall down too much.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Underslung Pinapple launchers???

How about making your marker fully automatic.
or just make it look like one.

Now ask yourself:
Are underslung pinapple launcers just a dream?
Aparently NOT!

Holy crap these peeps are bloody crazy! :) Just like me.
With all this loot to buy I think I will have a birthday twice a year.

Ok well its a short one
Sleep tight (if you dare)

Monday, October 03, 2005

They Gots me!

Ok so it has become clear that I am suffering from a nasty dose of “almost 30”.
Unlike “almost 50”, I don’t get to buy a stupid expensive car.

I do get to buy cheaper toys though… like a Paint ball marker! ummm that’s a paint ball gun for the uninitiated (something about mother grundies and promoting war like tendencies in the youth today).

Yup! That’s right folks I am now part of that l33t cr3w what like to paint their friends in Technicolor. Yup! I gots initiated too. Seems like I being a tubby lard ass on the paint ball field is not such a good idea. I am still all in Technicolor after the bath, but now with nice green and blue shades and not the happy day glow pink and yellow.

I mean it was fun. I got there with new equipment in hand ready to distribute death and destruction unto the infidel. See that’s where it all started to fall apart.
See I soon I realized that the girls shoot better that me. (chicks 1, ego 0.) And that I pretty much have to stay in a crouch the whole day (enemy snipers 10, Gluteus Maximus 0).
Then I only hit my first opponent by the 7th or so game (Red team 200 , my aim1), and then to top it all off I enjoyed it way too much (my addictions 5 , my wallet 0).

Ok so why can’t I call it a gun! (This is my marker! This is my Gun! This is for Paint ball! This is for getting myself it way to much trouble!) Well as far as I can understand it is that parents don’t want to pay a huge amount of dosh to train their kiddies to fight wars, when the army will do it for free. Hmmm yes I can see that paint ball is a great way to train little soldiers in the way of war… Lets see:

Lesson one. Effective range of the weapon is with in 15 meters.
Lesson two: Bullets fly at less than 300ft per second.
Lesson three: Who needs a medic when you have a wet wipe?
Lesson four: Arnica is a great treatment for battle wounds.
Lesson five: Yelling FREEZE! Is a valid form of hand to hand combat.

Ah well I suppose all those hours with violent computer games have been a complete waste.

Oh well! I am off to find some soothing ointments.
Sleep tight ladies and gents.


Friday, September 30, 2005

We return to our regular programming!

I think I can return to ranting about things that piss me off without offending anyone, well anyone important. Psychologically speaking I am about as stable as suicide bomber with half a ton of nitroglycerin up his ass and a nasty acid trip.

Oh hang fire I just used words “suicide bomber” on a public forum.
Good thing I didn’t say anything about the Taliban or anything like that…. Shit fuck …

Hold on got to get the door.
Ok back again… Mr. Smith says that you should stay where you are and not make any sudden movements.

Any way looks like I will be looking into the paint ball dingus this weekend. Loads of time and stuff like that see. Ah the smell of paint the screams of the bruised! This is what war is all about!. Not to mention the taste of my own lungs as they climb form my chest to throttle me every time I run.

Any way it’s a short one today.

So sleep tight girls and boys.

P.S. No! There is NO comic! Bad Garrick! Sit! Don’t make me hurt you!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Please be a problem we have a patient

Due to personal difficulties this service has been temporarily suspended.
We hope to resume regular programming soon.

For those of you unfortunate enough to actually know what the hell is potting:
Thank you guys! The support and caring has been great.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

There are two kinds of shit!

The thing to remember is that there are two kinds of shit. Theirs and ours, in-coming and out-going. Don't worry about either if you can hear it overhead, it going somewhere else. Problem with shit is that it has trouble discerning who's side its on. So it is best not to be where it lands.

So what does this bastardised metaphor for artillery have to do with me. Well shit happened, I was in the wrong place, it fucked me up and you get no cartoon till the weekend (if you are lucky.)

I did warn you not to hold your breath. The good news is I did fall asleep before 10 last night. At least I don't feel as tired as usual.

The hit counter says you are there but I need you guys to be a bit vocal let me know who is reading this shit.

OK girls and boys,
cheers for ears.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Where has a whole week gone?

Ok right where the fuck is the pause button.
I am so not able to keep up. Its not like life is being particularly difficult at the moment, its just going by at breakneck speed. It just occurred to me to have a quick update on my blog when bam! OH my hell I have lost a week! I must have done some fun things in this last week or at least I hope so.

Ok so why the lost week? Well see I really can’t sleep. And if I don’t sleep I just can’t do squat! I don’t even remember squat! Hell I’ll be surprised if I could squat!

Anyways… Cartoon yes! It is my intent to get something out every Wednesday. Ah but its Wednesday now Al! Ok Ok around Wednesday then. I am currently working on the next character. As there is no DnD tonight, I hope to introduce her (yes it’s a her!) in a three framer hopefully later tonight or even tomorrow morning early (hold your breath at your own peril.)

Oh yes one thing I do remember about this part week: Paintball!
Man I love that game! First time I played with the pumps too. Not so bad in comparison. That’s if you know how to look after them that is. At least they don’t break down as bloody often as the Semi’s do.

Well I was so keen on the game after Saturday’s session that I have decided to get a bit more involved in the scene. I will be looking into getting some gear as soon as my financial mess sorts itself out. (not really a mess, more like mismanagement)
As with all things I do, collaborators are desired! So if anyone has the wish to discover the dark secrets of the Cape Town Paintball community, please contact me. If you know anything about it and have some useful advice or information, uh yes let me know!

That’s that for now girls and boys,
See you soon (I hope).

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

More character

Ok so look, I was tired yesterday, so I forgot many things including the fact that yesterday was Tuesday. I went through the whole day thinking it was Wednesday.

So yay! Role-playing is to night and tomorrow night .

Oh and here is my second character. I decided to introduce him in a one framer. Let me know what you guys think

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

3 little pigs

1st little piggy.
Why in fucks name do you get stupid mother fuckers that think shitting on people’s creativity is cool? Ok see here I am looking for a newer version of particular warcraft 3 custom map. Ok so finding it was harder than it looked, because I had to wade through piles of lesser mortals shite! One poor shit head of a wanker decides that taking said map and populating it with a techno colours and bad heavy metal is cool and of fucking interest to me. I have one question ass wipe!
Do you know what taste is? No I am not talking about that bilious sensation I get in my mouth when my stomach decides to critique your work.

2nd little piggy
Wow that was Acetic! Ok sorry folks I am a little pissed of at the world today. Why? Well I am glad you asked. You see it’s like this: I am programmer, and a good one by many people’s standards (at least I think so). Well we all should know what I feel about my profession. But why the fuck do I have to wind up with these projects that have fuck piles of data capture. And WHY I must do it?

3rd Little piggy
Also I made a one framer this weekend. I would post it here but I left at home today. I will try remembering it tomorrow. It’s the insomnia I tell you! Why the hell is insomnia such a bitch you ask? Well has anyone managed to actually do anything useful while in the grips of the anti-sandman? I have a bucket load of shit to do and no bloody drive to do it. Sniff poor me, feel sorry for me… If you dare…. Or care… Don’t see if I do!

Hmm DnD tonight, yay! Murphy told me I should fall asleep during the game… I hate him!

Since we out west!
Ah yes and tomorrow I DM my DnD game. Hmmm this is going to be fun. I wonder what joys I should throw at my little sausages! Oh that reminds me SynKronos should be Joining my game tomorrow. Well he is a bit of a pork banger to be honest. And me? Well I am a burger patty. Wow is this DnD or breakfast?

ok girls and boys play nice

Friday, August 26, 2005

Excrement Al!

Alright so I was wrong about the zombie cat reference. It appears that my cat is in fact not the undead risen to plague the world with morbid pleas for food. Oh no its cadaverous carcass is but a shell for a demon of vilest tendencies.

Could not my cat be possessed by a greater demon of destruction or blasphemy? Hey even a lesser one would do. I would not have minded if she were taken over by some horrid twisted defiler of virgins and small Chihuahuas. I would have jumped for glee if she was host to a twisted mind flayer of DOOOOOOOM!
No I would have to get the bloody shit demon.

Well at least the shit was not bloody. I know because it was everywhere. Wait! wait.. Let us paint the scene (or did the cat do that already?)
I have just come home from my Thursday game tired exhausted and really needing a sit down. After fumbling with the keys in the dark for half an hour I manage to enter the house without forcibly removing the door from this reality. “Hmmm” says I, “is that not the faint wafting fumes of feces! Nah that’s just the litter box, yuk!”

Sooo I grab a beer and a seat on the couch. “Ahhh some rest at last… oh hi there Nora cat where you been? ..ohhh!” See that’s me fainting from the lack of oxygen to the brain. Yes the blue yellow green haze following my cat and near throttled me to death.

See what happens is this! Demon:
“I will utterly ruin this poor sods day! Why? Because he did not feed us the food that would kill this mortal host and he subjected us to the VET today!”
So demon caused the cat to make the unholy shit. Added two doses of fetid urine and mixed until the merest glance at the gross consistency caused a passing mortals stomach lining to leap for it purchase and attempt to strangle said mortal. Gently the cat was rolled in the mixture until evenly coated. The Cat was then left on white cushion to cure for a few minutes. *demonic laugh* “Serve warm!”

Ok so there I am passed out on the couch the cat has just completed its little jig of evil all over the couch and me. At this point the stench has abated to an intolerable hell, enough oxygen has reach my brain to give the gag reflex a kick start. Now I am awake, needing a bath, and have a veritable FUCKTON of washing to do. Great I love my life!

And where is Baheelza-Cat? Oh this one has just finished making the dance of evil all over the bed and is now headed for my study!
Well lets say the kitty got clean quickly, and leave that at that. The washing did not.

Maid comes on a Friday. Thank the gods its Friday!

Party hard girls and boys!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Dude Boobies are hard to draw.

Hello all you nasty blog fiends.
So there I was sitting at my Wednesday DND game, showing off my newfound drawing skills. Says the Rogue to me “Hey can you only draw guys or can you draw girls too?”
“Well” thinks I "how hard can it be?"
“Same kind of body structure just add some boobs… right?”
Ya Right whateva! Ok so drawing the boobs is a lot harder than it sounds. I mean two luscious shaped orbs ‘o the pleasure should be relatively easy for someone who thinks about them oh ever six seconds (yes I do think about sex every 3 seconds, but come on there is so much more of the womanly figure to consider!)

Ok so how the blue blazers do you draw said puppies? Well perhaps I need to do some research. “Internet!” you say. Well yes, if you want boobs to be rock hard protrusions of impossible proportion obviously maintained by the magical antigravity properties of silicon.
Seeing as I am trying to maintain a vague level of realism and propriety (snigger) in my cartoons. I think perhaps only the real thing will do.

Enter all the girls I see in the real life: Stage left.
Ok so here is the thing: Ladies it is vitally important in this delicate time that your knee-to-groin jerk reactions be curtailed in the interests of art. I mean I will be most scientific as I take important measurements of dimension and weight. I am sure you will all understand and wear only the barest concealment that propriety will allow. I do understand that Cape Town is a bit nippy at the moment, but surly you can all see the advantages conducting such experiments in inclement weather.

At this time it may also be prudent to warn your SO’s that said experimentation is harmless and in no way should be construed as myself moving in anyone territory.

Thank you all for your understanding and ..ummm.. support.

P.S. So I am taking Zombie cat into the vet now. She needs a few more formaldehyde injections to delay any further decay.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Digit Al & Bad Music

Hey hey! Looky look my photoshop skilz have returned, thank the gods.
I only managed to get some of ¾ view stuff done before I ground to an exhausted stop.
Trying to keep the various elements separate is quite taxing I must say. (I am trying to build up a library of body parts in the hope that it will streamline the process of generating regular comics.)
He still has some work left on him with regards shading and highlights. Let me know what you think.
Well wait a sec… if its praise or constructive criticism let me know, if not…use your imagination.

While working I have been listing to the some of the music Bast prepared for a party at our place. Ok so somewhere between the colouring of the right arm and the torso, Avril pipes up with that insipid little tune of hers Don’t Tell Me.
The part that gets me is that bit that goes:
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?

Well duh! Unless he’s a priest, sexually incompatible, or immediate family, that’s exactly what he is gonna think.
I mean guys only think that about it every 3 seconds or something stupid. The only real reason guys get messed up with chicks so that they can hide the frank in the bushes. I would not trust any fella that says different.
I keep getting the feeling that we are expected to be embarrassed to have a sex drive. I am remorseful enough for all this other crap my male ancestors did to everyone, and now they want me to feel bad about lil Jim and the Twins.

Don’t get me wrong here. I do support the right for a young lady to say NO.
Still can you expect the guy not to chance his arm? All I am asking for here is a little sympathy for us poor blighters. I mean its bad enough that we have to worry about walking funny every time a woman with any kind of sex appeal enters our vicinity. Now consider the average 16 year old boy: The very thought of Linoleum could leave the poor bastard crawling on the very stuff in great discomfort. Look: it’s a biological imperative that supercedes all rational and socially accepted thought. Hell do you think that swagger that most guys adopt every time a lass is about, is about looking cool. Oh no sister no chance of that, he simply doing the horny horse in the briar patch routine.

Actually it’s quite funny watching the younger members of my sex trying to maintain a level of decorum at the party, once they have sensed that indescribable scent that is womanhood. Hell it is funny watching me trying to complete a sentence at the same party, but that could just be because I am drunk

Any who girls and boys sleep tight and dream nice dreams.

The Ork Speaks

To blog or not to blog? That is the question. The appeal of blogging has up to recently totally escaped me. Or at least I have shown great resilience to the infectious need to spill ones guts like some verbally incontinent twit.

Well that was before schpat came along and bloody infected everyone. Thanks schpat.
Ok so here I am I have started this thing. Somebody will bloody have to read this or else.

Ok point the first: As some of you know I have been trying for a while now to do my very own web comic. Well after some time of stop start, stop start, I have managed to finally get a passable character sketched out. He is all scanned in and sitting around waiting to be photo shopped. But for some reason my computer skilz would not work after I finished the sketch.
I am hoping to do some work on him tonight perhaps I will have something to show off tomorrow.

Point the second: I hate programming! OH MY GOD It is the most fucking boring profession in the entire fucking world! Here is a hint guys don’t do it. Rather get some monkey with the social agenda of a charted accountant to do it for you. I understand that you could do it better, or even faster, but ultimately you won’t …face it.

Sigh! Ok well I really should get back to work or something.
Talk to you guys later.